It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
