Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
