if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Who died my cat blue again?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
