i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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