i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ladies don't puke and tell
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
