I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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