Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
