Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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