Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
