woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
