I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
