Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
