Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
