rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
