I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
