i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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