brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
