You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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