It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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