Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
