i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
