rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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