She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
