just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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