i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
