i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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