If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
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he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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