It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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