ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
