I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
