How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
