This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
