Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
