Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
