I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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