There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Couch. On fire.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
