The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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