I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
