We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I touched a dick in church today
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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