yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
