it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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