I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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