If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
