Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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