the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
