Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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