its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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