is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
