my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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