so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
