In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
