Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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