Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
