if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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