oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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