Jerry, you need to find god
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Mom said you looked used
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
soo... how was my night?
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