Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
