Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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