I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
