24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
