Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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