took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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