If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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