So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
