i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
