He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
