She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize