if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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