omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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