I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
