Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
