it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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