talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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