office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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